Reasons

As a person who is a very empathetic person, it is difficult for me to reason with myself and other people because I feel like I do not understand or they do not understand the feelings I am going through or what they are going through. I do not like to be able to understand because I believe that I am not able to help that person.

When a person says that depression is a phase, I get upset. When a person says that a depressed person should stop being sad, I get upset. Any mental condition is difficult to comprehend and difficult to go through. Not everything is black and white and not everything has a one step solution. We cannot tell a person to stop because words are not actions. They will never be actions.

The reason why I decided to say this thought is because it has been running in my mind for a long time, and I never had the courage to say things. I am afraid to show emotions. I do not like to be vulnerable. I do not like to appear weak, but as humans, I say that we are a bit hard on ourselves because we want to look strong. We want to look strong so that the other person can lean on us. I am not always a wall.

I will never understand what it means to go through depression or any mental condition, but I will not say simple solutions that many ignorant people assume.

If life were really that easy, what happens to the adventure? What happens to growing?

With love,

Violet Sar Bleu

Update on Short Story

I have vignettes written, but I do not think I will want to post them onto the Internet because of plagiarism and the thought of using my story in later references for myself. It is out for the sake of you and I, so I think I am just going to share memories, new findings, and thoughts on pop culture here.

With love,

Violet Sar Bleu

Work in Progress

My last post is a character study, and I just written a couple of little instances of her life. Even though there is no plot line to the new "short story" I am creating, it is just going to be about life.

With love,

Violet Sar Bleu

Speaking of Change: Here and There

As a child growing up in Sharpstown, I loved it, but the thing that I will change will be the weird uniforms that I had to wear. Green shirt and khaki pants, not the most fashionable nor flattering combination on anyone, unless you are Marilyn Monroe, who can pretty much look good in anything. People say it is a bad part in town. Yes, my house did get robbed, but they did not take anything valuable. The burglars only took simple jewelry, which might sound scary, but I have to admit the walls on that house were not the sturdious. Trust me, if I were to take you and visit the house right now, if the people owning it have not renovated the place (which I doubt), you will see a minty area on the wall in the kitchen where there used to be a hole. That hole was the place where the burglars got in. It sounds way more serious than it needs to be.

As a teenager living in Missouri City, not the less fortunate areas, not Sienna Plantation, not Riverstone, but the surburbs that are considered average. I call it privilege. However, even though there are not that many burglaries, there is a different type of crime. If you are old enough, people commit white collar, especially in high class areas. I am far out from high class, talking about eating Taco Bell at around noon even though I woke up at 9. If you do not understand what it is, do not worry. Please do not look up if you are not old enough because the worst thing I can do is to forcibly let a child loose its innocence.

With love,

Violet Sar Bleu

Oblivion

When I was younger, as in my grade school years, I was so excited to do  grow older and support myself. I wanted to get a job, get money, learn to drive, learn to know how to do my taxes, take up responsibilities, and pick up groceries. I wanted a well paying job, such as being a doctor or lawyer, because that was what my family wanted, which in turn, made it what I want. I wanted to be sucessful, to be well-known, to be proud of, and as I grew into my awkward preteen years, my family, as I thought and still think, was proud of me.

Now at the age of 15, pretty young, I know, but I am not proud of myself. I am unproductive and a number to the world, just a mear statistic. I make up one of the many who are a statistic. You do too. I am not special to the world. I am just another one of the 7 billion. Despite the fact that I try to work my hardest, no matter how much I try, I will only notice the so-called change because I focus on myself, no one else. That sounds selfish, but it is so true. Walking around in town, I do not know people's stories, nor do I want to. They are merely a statistic.

I guess you can say that I also fear oblivion. I fear not being important. I fear that no one will remember what I have done, what I wanted to do, or what I could not accomplish.

The only thing that Earth will remember is that I am a person. However, once humanity dies out, no one will remember the Civil War, the Holocaust, the struggles, the works of literature, because in the end, they are just specks of dirt, a second in time compared to what goes on in the universe.

With love,
Violet Sar Bleu

Speaking of Change: Where the Wild Things are

Growing older does not always mean growing wiser, growing maturer, growing kinder. It just means what it says, growing older. Wisdom does not come through age. People believe so because the older we get, the more experience we have with life. Experience does not come through time; it comes through the emotional expense we take in order to say something or do something. Maturity, I do not know how that works. It does not come through age though. I know that for sure. Kindness comes from character. It is the effect of the way we have been treated, the way we have been raised, the way we have lived, never the way our age has changed. Never.

Speaking of Change: Growing

Everyone in one shape or form grows. To you, it might be mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. I wanted to show you how I've grown up over the years and how my personality has been shapen and carved and worked to the point where I am today. I know that I will continue to evolve and alter, but for now, this is what I got.

Physically:
Even though I have not grown much over the years, my body shape definitely has. In the sixth grade, I had really short legs and a longer torso with broad shoulders, so pretty much, I was an ideal swimmer. I was not into swimming; I loved to dance, but my body type did not really fit that as well. By the seventh grade, I noticed that I have gotten slimmer, which made my whole body look a lot lean and long. I continued to eat the same way I always been eating, but my body kept evolving. Naturally, my legs and torso balanced out well. By the eighth grade, I think I reached my slimmest here. My legs grew so much during this year, and they were so long and my torso was so short compared to them. It was kind of ridiculous. Also, I was pretty slim. In the ninth grade, my body type stayed the same. Now, my body is more filled out. I do not have prominent curves or a prominent slim figure, I have an athletic build, even though I am not athletic. My legs are proportionally longer than my torso.

Mentally:
I used to be very intellectually and liked to based things off of facts. Nowadays, I do not do that whatsoever. I have a more feeling perspective to life and way more percieving than judging. I used to want to be in the intellectual field of life because that is what made me happy. However, I do not want to do that anymore. I want to be something more than that.

Emotionally:
It comes with age I guess. Things used to get to me, yet still some things do get to me, but I try my best to not let the smaller things.

With love,

Violet Sar Bleu